Relationships – Mark Noldy

Although I have always had joint accounts (yes, this includes with my ex), I do know that many married couples maintain separate finances. As a financial coach, I do know the best answer based on not only the finances but also relationship research. Married people should marry their finances, too. Not only is budgeting easier with one checking account, but the research indicates that spouses with joint checking accounts are more likely to stay married. This is because spouses with joint finances have to communicate more to be on the same page with their money. When there is one joint checking account, there's nothing hidden. Married people with joint accounts have to plan together, learn together, and dream together. What's the Big Deal? Being married is arguably the most vital relationship a person can have with another human being. The preacher doesn't present newlyweds as a new business venture. They're not business partners. The preacher says he presents Mr. and Mrs. Couple. He says whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder. The biblical meaning of holy matrimony is that two individuals become one. However, many married couples still maintain separate financial responsibilities. For example, a couple may believe that the higher income earner should pay the mortgage... Or that the lower income owner should take care of utilities... And so forth. Some couples will even split food and kids' clothing down the middle. Even though the children share their DNA, some couples don't believe in sharing the money. That reminds me of being in college. Once a month my roommates and I would get together to divvy up the utility bills. But when you're married, there is no... You keep the heat too high, It's freezing in here, That's my chocolate milk, or I just paid to fill that car. If there's only one pool of money that the bills get paid out of, it doesn't matter who uses more heat, eats the most groceries, uses the most gasoline in the car, etc. When there is a problem, discuss it during the monthly budget meeting. (Maybe you need to have an emergency budget meeting!) What if my fiance has debts? If that's a problem, consider waiting to get married. But when people say "I do," they are combining their lives with that other person. This includes deposit accounts and debts. Your soon-to-be spouse may all forms of debt, especially if you're young. There may be student loans, vehicle debts, and credit card balances. Heck, they may even owe a loan shark money! All the financial skeletons must be out of the closet before tying the knot. Just don't combine finances until you are married and you have asked all the important questions (working on that article) relating to money. Many a would-be marriage fails before it's started as a result of the two people not being able to get on the same page with their money. This includes budgeting, paying bills, and debts. It may be necessary to clean up the debts prior to tying the knot. There is a positive correlation between spouses' debt levels and the number of money fights they have. If you're living together, are you cohabitating with a roommate, or are you wedded in holy matrimony. What if my fiance has kids from a previous marriage? This one may depend on whether the children are grown and adulting. But echoing the debt response, joining together in holy matrimony may also include young children. Don't get married otherwise. When I got re-married, my second wife combined finances with me and joined me with full financial care of my children. We combined everything. It's the only way. If the kids are messed up, maybe an important question is why. Could be a crazy ex. Could be a learning disability. The ultimate consideration is whether you can be a part of a parenting solution. What if I want to surprise my spouse? If I have a joint account, how can I surprise my husband/wife on his/her birthday. This is a quite normal concern when two people have joint deposit accounts. Although this reason sounds viable, this decision could be the top of a slippery slope that leads to having financial secrets. The solution? In the monthly budget meeting you include a "blow money" category for each spouse. Naturally, the blow money does not have to all be spent that month. Spouses can squirrel part of this money away to surprise each other. Problem solved.